11 months
I can’t believe we’re just one month from Hazel’s 1st birthday. Has it really already been almost a year? Our girl has brought us so much joy these past 11 months. She has grown so fast and changed so quickly, she’s already taken her first steps, said her first sweet words and developed such a fun, curious and active little personality.
Having just celebrated my first mother’s day, I thought I’d use this post to talk a little bit about how becoming a mom has impacted me. Just a year ago Jered and I were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little Juni- not knowing if we were having a boy or girl (I always had a feeling we were having a boy, boy was I surprised!).
I honestly don’t know how to describe those first few days, weeks, months with our little girl. They were a blur for me, so amazing, so hard, so sweet, so different from anything I’d ever experienced. I struggled. I really struggled. Having always done relatively well in things I set out to do, motherhood was a puzzle to me. I didn’t know how to do it well. I second guessed myself constantly. How would I know if I was doing okay? Was I giving Hazel what she needed? Was I feeding her enough? Too much? Should we let her cry it out? Was it okay to give her a bottle? Were we putting her to bed too early? Too late? Everyone had advice and I wasn’t used to getting it from so many sources all at once. Everyone’s advice was different. Making sense of all of it was completely overwhelming. For the first time in my life I felt really lost, and it was a terrible, terrible feeling- this was my role as a mom, my relationship with my daughter, my baby that I was struggling to figure out. Wasn’t it supposed to come naturally to me? Was I a bad mom for not coming home from the hospital all sunshine and roses and slipping into motherhood with ease?
Time changes things. As Hazel got a bit older (and a little less fussy!) I started to feel more comfortable in my new role. Having a supportive husband helped tremendously. Come to find out, Hazel is a bit more active than other babies we know. A “bit” might be the understatement of the year. Constantly exploring, moving, learning- Hazel wears us out, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. We still end most days pretty tired, and I still deal with my fare share of self-doubt, but the past 11 months have taught me quite a bit. I am so thrilled to be on this journey with Jered and Hazel (and hopefully another baby or two in the next few years). Here’s to our first year as a family and here’s to Hazel- our funny, beautiful little girl.
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