Chief Safety Officer Briefing

Before Hazel was born, Esther and I knew that life was going to change. We knew we would have baby-proof the house, but until this weekend we never knew how that would work.

As Chief Security Officer, it was my duty to take a look at the first two rooms that need to be baby-proofed: The living room and Hazel’s room. The results of my quick survey were horrifying! We live in a death-trap! Well, if you are a baby, just learning to crawl, scoot or in some other way locomote.

The first point of danger in our living room is the fireplace. Our fireplace is not a traditional style, built into the wall with a step in front, but is open on two-sides, essentially part of an island. With it being winter and our house having some but not enough insulation, we have been running our fireplace to keep away the creeping cold.

Hazel + Fire ≠ Good.

We bought the equivalent of the Baby Super Max Prison, not that we are “those” parents, but local “R Us” store did not have a large selection of gates, enclosures or other barriers.

Now our fireplace Hazel is protected by metal bars that can be formed into a small playpen (or large playpen, an option, I am now referring to as “The Yard”).

The item that really motivated this flurry of safety related acquisitions was the lowering of Hazel’s crib. She isn’t sitting up yet, but she has managed to put herself into an uncomfortable faceplant that will eventually lead to her sitting up by herself. The upper setting on the crib was great when she wasn’t as active (it was also a back saver), but now with her ability to wiggle/faceplant/sit, lowering the crib was necessary.

Lowering the crib exposed on small problem: The power unit for the baby monitor/spy camera. Our little girl is on her way to being a pickpocket a la Oliver Twist, so her attention was immediately drawn to the power supply. Luckily, manufacturers have kept up with the rise in child pickpockets and we installed a secure cover over the power supply, meaning that Hazel will have to become far more dexterous to complete her master plan without our supervision.

Esther and I are very “wired” people. That means not only do use a lot of technology, we also have a lot of power cables. This has become Hazel’s current obsession (besides the cats), as evidence below.

More scootin’ from esther benoit on Vimeo.

Her love of power cords means that we have to employ some power strip locks and other “hardened” technologies to keep her away, as well as be more vigilant about what we leave lying around. Really, we all know, the latter part is going to be near impossible.

The last thing that was critical to buy was table bumpers. Our coffee table, while nice looking and very functional, is the equivalent of razor blades and broken glass for a baby learning to walk.

While walking is a while a way, it was is the same way for a baby crawling, so we have not enrobed our coffee table with spongy goodness.

This concludes the Cheif Safety Officer’s first briefing. We will keep you up to date with all of the security systems implemented at Alcatraz the Benoit house.

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